Buh..

First things first.. I lost my work notebook.. if you have seen me work before then you know what this notebook means to me: EVERYTTHING.. I'd rather lose my... well i dont like losing stuff so i cant think of anything i'd rather lose.. but still.. I am usually "glued" to my stuff, so its weird that i lost it, and the only option i can think of is leaving it in a meeting room after my training so i shouldnt have lost it really..

so what does this notebook have? well, simply 6 months of REALLY mapping everything i know and find out to this place.. 6 months of questions, answers, notes, to do's, ideas, discoveries, and business processes.. I am trying my best so as not to come to terms with the loss, because the magnitude is HUUUUUUGE.. am trying to pretend or convince myself I have it all in my head (yeah right!), in email (try to sort thru 200 Megs of info), or that it's already been worked through and now is the time to start over new tasks from scratch... the thing is, since i cant find it, I am feeling VERY discouraged to work.. I have some important deadline next week, and between losing my notebook, getting stuck in a 3-day trng a week ago, and being in the dept and corporate offsite this last week, i didnt get ANY work done for almost 2 weeks!!! funny thing is, I still hope to find it :) Me and my meaningless optimism and happy endings..

Speaking of which, I was recently telling a friend the story of Voltaire's Candide.. "all is for the best in this best of all possible worlds".. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candide)

It's pathetic really, and funny, and cute (at least to me), how this stupid optimism rules the life of someone who can sometimes be very dark and even -if i may- insecure.. the combination of optimism, insecurity, darkness, and even sometimes nakad, is really lethal..

more about last 2 weeks later..

hmmmmm..... I want to run away from it all..