* "Fear of Committment = Fear of Committment"
A wise one once said it, and I am only starting to understand it now.. Just a random thought not linked to anything..
* I am bored.. not as in now, but as in gerenal, in life.. I dont even know if "bored" is the word for it.. Wondering about decisions i made, and (much worse) about decisions i didnt make.. No one can change this state.. "Go out, work out, blablablabla".. i do all this.. I work out, get that funky adrenaline rush, then an hour later am back to square one.. The solution lies in my own hands, i know it, i dont want to share it, and i still didnt gather enough momentum to make it happen...
* Nina, my cousin whom i saw once in my life and who lives in UK, got engaged in a fairy-tale-like manner.. real fairy tale, he surprised her in Paris where she was on vacation, and while walking together, she heard 5 jets above her, her 1st thought was "they're going to bomb us like beirut", her 2nd thought was "wow it spelled Nina will you marry me?".. Weird :) and only heard about it in movies.. whats making me actually like the guy is that he studied @ Harvard Law and has a PhD from Stanford :) must be an interesting person to talk to, dont you think? (Karembu, this story is not a fragment of my imagination!)
* Nine Million Bicycles
Tina sent me the YouTube link to this song, read the lyrics below and check out the video here.. the girl's face is sooo lovely, the lyrics are cute and the video is cooool!
There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die.
We are twelve billion light years from the edge,
That's a guess,
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you.
I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar,
Just believe everything that I say
There are six billion people in the world
More or less
and it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all
We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire,
Of the love that you give me every night
There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a Fact,
it's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die
And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
After Midnight Thoughts..
* My nephew @ Cornell's!
I have 2 adorable nephews (altho they got to the age were "adorable" is not exactly the word to refer to them!).. Anyway, so the eldest has gone this year to college.. he's always wanted to study medicine, and fortunately he did it.. Cornell's University (NY's Cornell) opened a Medicine school campus in Qatar and thats where he went.. yes its Qatar and all, but on the good side: it is _the_ same university, better facilities (after all its the gulf), better student-teacher ratio, and closer to home so he can hop in for holidays and stuff.. its a funny feeling to have your nephew studying medicine, listening to Opeth and the like, and up to your own mental level in most conversations.. I have an interesting familial structure, but thats a story for another day..
* Intolerance
A while ago my msn name was "N - Tolerance" (recently it is always "N-", so K commented that in fact it was pronounced "intolerance".. Recently, i developed severe intolerance to some things and people... intolerance to what? hmmm, almost anything.. a couple of months ago i was in this meeting with a girl i was meeting for the first time, and in spite of everything i couldnt take my mind off the idea that "HER NECKLACE IS MAKING SO MUCH NOISE GODDAMIT!" seriously, something as silly as a jingling necklace just ticked me off.. other things, well, zaman, a couple of years back i had the tolerance to actually listen to almost anyone.. now i just feel like walking away when people are talking.. keda.. Its not worth the hassle for me anymore to engage in conversations i dont like.. i even stopped saying full sentences, even in conversations am enjoying.. well, i've had that missing word thing always but it just got worse.. but its worst when am not enjoying the talk.. i just ignore, look the other way, change the subject, or just give silly answers.. funny thing is, i drift aslan in any conversation, so it takes a real expert to know whether am drifting because am bored or just because am a born-drifter.. oh well, whatever, never mind..
* White Noise
K introduced me to that (i knew it from the movie but didnt know ppl actually use it), and truth be said, at first i thought it was plain stupid :D its the kind of "sssshhhhh" distortion you hear when you're in between radio stations.. well, apparently its gaining wide popularity abroad.. tried it ba2a once when i was in no mood for conversation, no mood for listening, no mood for nothing.. i just put my earphones and tuned my phone's radio to white noise... pure isolation.. kind of creepy and introvert.. but when the mood is here, its here..
* The Cat that Walked by Himself
'... it is I: for you have spoken a word in my praise, and now I can sit within the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
~ Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling
I like the previous quotation.. I get very attached to memories: smells, sounds, feelings, whatever they are.. but just as well, i walk by myself... kind of like this McD commercial, the guy is walking by, passing people and just walking on by.. I stay -more or less- stable, a sign of the times and all that.. but i want to go for a while.. I want to be the one chaging sceneries instead of having sceneries change around me.. 7aga keda... "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me." but i just wish i can find one place to be _my_ place, the place..
* New songs I like
- Jewel's "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"
- Blue October's "Hate Me".. Pretty negative, but i like the music and lyrics
- Green Day's "Extraordinary Girl"
- Losing my Religion.. not new but an all-time favorite
- Rihanna's "Unfaithful"
- Sandy Thom "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker"
- Robbie Williams "Advertising Space"
* To sum up,
I hate these three words.. If you could sum it up, then you should've sum it up!
Signing off,
N.
I have 2 adorable nephews (altho they got to the age were "adorable" is not exactly the word to refer to them!).. Anyway, so the eldest has gone this year to college.. he's always wanted to study medicine, and fortunately he did it.. Cornell's University (NY's Cornell) opened a Medicine school campus in Qatar and thats where he went.. yes its Qatar and all, but on the good side: it is _the_ same university, better facilities (after all its the gulf), better student-teacher ratio, and closer to home so he can hop in for holidays and stuff.. its a funny feeling to have your nephew studying medicine, listening to Opeth and the like, and up to your own mental level in most conversations.. I have an interesting familial structure, but thats a story for another day..
* Intolerance
A while ago my msn name was "N - Tolerance" (recently it is always "N-
* White Noise
K introduced me to that (i knew it from the movie but didnt know ppl actually use it), and truth be said, at first i thought it was plain stupid :D its the kind of "sssshhhhh" distortion you hear when you're in between radio stations.. well, apparently its gaining wide popularity abroad.. tried it ba2a once when i was in no mood for conversation, no mood for listening, no mood for nothing.. i just put my earphones and tuned my phone's radio to white noise... pure isolation.. kind of creepy and introvert.. but when the mood is here, its here..
* The Cat that Walked by Himself
'... it is I: for you have spoken a word in my praise, and now I can sit within the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
~ Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling
I like the previous quotation.. I get very attached to memories: smells, sounds, feelings, whatever they are.. but just as well, i walk by myself... kind of like this McD commercial, the guy is walking by, passing people and just walking on by.. I stay -more or less- stable, a sign of the times and all that.. but i want to go for a while.. I want to be the one chaging sceneries instead of having sceneries change around me.. 7aga keda... "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me." but i just wish i can find one place to be _my_ place, the place..
* New songs I like
- Jewel's "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"
- Blue October's "Hate Me".. Pretty negative, but i like the music and lyrics
- Green Day's "Extraordinary Girl"
- Losing my Religion.. not new but an all-time favorite
- Rihanna's "Unfaithful"
- Sandy Thom "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker"
- Robbie Williams "Advertising Space"
* To sum up,
I hate these three words.. If you could sum it up, then you should've sum it up!
Signing off,
N.
Friday, September 08, 2006
My Dear Sisyphus: Scenes from a Memory
I realize its not written nicely and not catchy enough, but i write it to document my memories, and for nothing else.. If my thoughts are incoherent or incomplete, just let it go..
During the past year and a half, I've gotten to know one of the closest people ever to me.. You may know him by his real name, K. (not to be confused by Amrika's Karembu!) or you may know him as my friend, or you may be friends with him.. One way or the other, chances are you know him. He is leaving soon, sooner than I'd like to think, TONIGHT, to a new territory and a new life.. brave? Very.. Envy him? more than he knows.. Worth it? Possibly so.. Stupid? Certainly hope not :D Will miss him? Like hell....
So given that my scope in gifts is limited, I give him a _very_ customized gift.. no its not a scarf i knitted for him, although he could use one where he's going!
I give him a blog post..
Scenes from a memory....
His First Time: Orientation and CP
First time was in his newcomers orietation here.. I was still new at my job, and I made it my personal cause to make sure that everything is smooth and everybody is happy.. anyway, so after a session on a tool called CP, i found him standing with H -our CP authority- in deep conversation.. i walked up to them and stood to make sure all is ok and the guy doesnt have any issues... Of this day he later told me, "i found you -a girl i didnt know- walking up to us with this BIG grin on your face.. and you stood with us just listening to what we're saying.. and i wondered who you were and what you were doing imposing on our conversation like that."
His blog and lame pottery classes
I got him on my msn list, and i discovered he had a space there where he blogs.. he was writing about pottery classes, and i was thinking "wow this guy is so cool" until he said "i have one word for you.. LAME!" :D
His "Honey, can we jump now?"
One of his posts had this line.. It was then when i knew i was getting to know someone different, he was up to adventure and wondering why "change" isnt a good word in our culture.. he wanted to be able to take chances without looking back..
His "Souad Massi" pickup line ;)
He discovered Souad Massi and i was there to witness it.. we used to comment on each and every song and what it made us feel.. one day he came in the morning telling me he was in cilantro wanted to get me coffee but didnt have my number (JUST ASK FOR IT) so I gave it to him... Next day at night, he sms'es me saying he is at Cilantro and Souad is playing and that I wouldve enjoyed it... It was the best pickup line he couldve EVER used :D
His Eternal Question: Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Days came and went, and he came up with the juice theory.. in this theory, he established that instead of waiting on "What-if"s he would just do it... He would make the effort then see if the juice was worth the squeeze... My verdict? it was soooo worth it!
His Sunshine
-enough said!
His Promised Land
He told me about his plans to leave in Summer 05 when we were outside Costa (a place we both dislike).. back then i thought this was still more than a year ahead and it was too early to talk about it... well, turned out a year is not that long anyway.. Everyone has a "promised land", a place where they dream to make home.. his promised land was Canada and he was halfway through making this dream come true..
His Cilantro
Cilantro witnessed our best times and most meaningful silences (in fact, Cilantro was the only place i can actually stay silent :D).. our first was Cilantro Zamalek, but others came along.. a couple of days ago, we were walkng there and ran into the same eternal rababa guy :D which was funny because altho he appears to stay there, we ran into him before at the other Cilantro at Abul Fida.. Cilantro is the place we never got tired of.. Korba in particular witnessed dozens of discussions and talks..
His Zamalek
Zamalek... what can i say? :D Breakfasts, morning walks, late night walks, his solo Thursday night drives that i envy.. the nile, the marriott, 26 July, the ahwa at the end of 26 july where we had tea :D, pizza by the nile in ramadan, the Tao shop near Tabasco where i got my bracelet and he got his dried rose candle...
About candles, for some weird and unknown reason, i got Kareem a total of at least 5 candles throughout the time i knew him :D of course he later admitted that he doesnt particularly like candles, but the ones i got where mostly chocolate/coffee themes, and the one shaped as an icecream sundae (amazing replica) and of course the dried flower one..
His Sa2ya
Our cursed place.. no matter how hard we planned it, we could never go to this place together... i've gone tens of times and so has he, but never together.. interesting how such a place can have that effect on us :D
His New Job
His Fortress
Basata was his Fortress of Solitude like he calls it... his last visit was in November 05.. i always hoped we can arrange to go there once since i've never been there and i wanted an expert.. but maybe in his next vacation...
His Blog-jacking! (or is it mine?)
in our infinite talks, i used to go like "Now _that_ is a bloggable thought" whenever such a thought came up.. he thought i was stealing his ideas, when the truth was that i was his muse :D
His New Blog
He started it as part of a personality/identity change he was going through..
His Flying Partner *the manga incident!*
He had the (bad) luck to sit next to me in a plane :D for those who dont know, i love flying yet i tend to get really airsick, so i take motion sickness pills.. thing is, i usually take more than i should, so i end up being literally "stoned".. So am having the window seat (since i dont get to move a lot in a plane) and i open the window, stare at the lovely clouds then turn to him and ask "Di ghoyoom di walla manga?" dont ask what i meant because i honestly dont know! the closest (and only) explanation was that i wanted to say they looked like cotton candy :D
His Birthday
"Cigars & Red Wine for Children" by the Nile :)
Our Discussions
Long long long arguments and discussions about men, women, right & wrong, religion, politics (very rare!), books, movies, music, work, work, work, career issues, work again, people, attitudes, family, friends, work tani.. travelling, and finally, my nemesis, Canada.. actually before him, i never gave Canada a second thought.. now i almost like it :D
K.-
You're Homer's Sisyphus and I'm Voltaire's Candide, and between the two of us, we create an impossible yet beautiful world. Pleasure and pain, lots of pain :D
Here's looking at you kid.... With all the luck in the world to one of my bestest friends ever..
I have spoken. (borrowing his line)
N.
During the past year and a half, I've gotten to know one of the closest people ever to me.. You may know him by his real name, K. (not to be confused by Amrika's Karembu!) or you may know him as my friend, or you may be friends with him.. One way or the other, chances are you know him. He is leaving soon, sooner than I'd like to think, TONIGHT, to a new territory and a new life.. brave? Very.. Envy him? more than he knows.. Worth it? Possibly so.. Stupid? Certainly hope not :D Will miss him? Like hell....
So given that my scope in gifts is limited, I give him a _very_ customized gift.. no its not a scarf i knitted for him, although he could use one where he's going!
I give him a blog post..
Scenes from a memory....
His First Time: Orientation and CP
First time was in his newcomers orietation here.. I was still new at my job, and I made it my personal cause to make sure that everything is smooth and everybody is happy.. anyway, so after a session on a tool called CP, i found him standing with H -our CP authority- in deep conversation.. i walked up to them and stood to make sure all is ok and the guy doesnt have any issues... Of this day he later told me, "i found you -a girl i didnt know- walking up to us with this BIG grin on your face.. and you stood with us just listening to what we're saying.. and i wondered who you were and what you were doing imposing on our conversation like that."
His blog and lame pottery classes
I got him on my msn list, and i discovered he had a space there where he blogs.. he was writing about pottery classes, and i was thinking "wow this guy is so cool" until he said "i have one word for you.. LAME!" :D
His "Honey, can we jump now?"
One of his posts had this line.. It was then when i knew i was getting to know someone different, he was up to adventure and wondering why "change" isnt a good word in our culture.. he wanted to be able to take chances without looking back..
His "Souad Massi" pickup line ;)
He discovered Souad Massi and i was there to witness it.. we used to comment on each and every song and what it made us feel.. one day he came in the morning telling me he was in cilantro wanted to get me coffee but didnt have my number (JUST ASK FOR IT) so I gave it to him... Next day at night, he sms'es me saying he is at Cilantro and Souad is playing and that I wouldve enjoyed it... It was the best pickup line he couldve EVER used :D
His Eternal Question: Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Days came and went, and he came up with the juice theory.. in this theory, he established that instead of waiting on "What-if"s he would just do it... He would make the effort then see if the juice was worth the squeeze... My verdict? it was soooo worth it!
His Sunshine
-enough said!
His Promised Land
He told me about his plans to leave in Summer 05 when we were outside Costa (a place we both dislike).. back then i thought this was still more than a year ahead and it was too early to talk about it... well, turned out a year is not that long anyway.. Everyone has a "promised land", a place where they dream to make home.. his promised land was Canada and he was halfway through making this dream come true..
His Cilantro
Cilantro witnessed our best times and most meaningful silences (in fact, Cilantro was the only place i can actually stay silent :D).. our first was Cilantro Zamalek, but others came along.. a couple of days ago, we were walkng there and ran into the same eternal rababa guy :D which was funny because altho he appears to stay there, we ran into him before at the other Cilantro at Abul Fida.. Cilantro is the place we never got tired of.. Korba in particular witnessed dozens of discussions and talks..
His Zamalek
Zamalek... what can i say? :D Breakfasts, morning walks, late night walks, his solo Thursday night drives that i envy.. the nile, the marriott, 26 July, the ahwa at the end of 26 july where we had tea :D, pizza by the nile in ramadan, the Tao shop near Tabasco where i got my bracelet and he got his dried rose candle...
About candles, for some weird and unknown reason, i got Kareem a total of at least 5 candles throughout the time i knew him :D of course he later admitted that he doesnt particularly like candles, but the ones i got where mostly chocolate/coffee themes, and the one shaped as an icecream sundae (amazing replica) and of course the dried flower one..
His Sa2ya
Our cursed place.. no matter how hard we planned it, we could never go to this place together... i've gone tens of times and so has he, but never together.. interesting how such a place can have that effect on us :D
His New Job
His Fortress
Basata was his Fortress of Solitude like he calls it... his last visit was in November 05.. i always hoped we can arrange to go there once since i've never been there and i wanted an expert.. but maybe in his next vacation...
His Blog-jacking! (or is it mine?)
in our infinite talks, i used to go like "Now _that_ is a bloggable thought" whenever such a thought came up.. he thought i was stealing his ideas, when the truth was that i was his muse :D
His New Blog
He started it as part of a personality/identity change he was going through..
His Flying Partner *the manga incident!*
He had the (bad) luck to sit next to me in a plane :D for those who dont know, i love flying yet i tend to get really airsick, so i take motion sickness pills.. thing is, i usually take more than i should, so i end up being literally "stoned".. So am having the window seat (since i dont get to move a lot in a plane) and i open the window, stare at the lovely clouds then turn to him and ask "Di ghoyoom di walla manga?" dont ask what i meant because i honestly dont know! the closest (and only) explanation was that i wanted to say they looked like cotton candy :D
His Birthday
"Cigars & Red Wine for Children" by the Nile :)
Our Discussions
Long long long arguments and discussions about men, women, right & wrong, religion, politics (very rare!), books, movies, music, work, work, work, career issues, work again, people, attitudes, family, friends, work tani.. travelling, and finally, my nemesis, Canada.. actually before him, i never gave Canada a second thought.. now i almost like it :D
K.-
You're Homer's Sisyphus and I'm Voltaire's Candide, and between the two of us, we create an impossible yet beautiful world. Pleasure and pain, lots of pain :D
Here's looking at you kid.... With all the luck in the world to one of my bestest friends ever..
I have spoken. (borrowing his line)
N.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Frustration
Pure frustration. I spent 3 weeks preparing a draft post I intended to blog it tonight, just to find our dsl messed up. Very pissed off. Anyway, K is leaving tomorrow night/saturday dawn to Canada/Kanaba. The idea that i dont actually know when i'll see him again is literally driving me crazy, its not like work/study trips, its a life. Having been one of the closest ppl ever to me, seeing him leave is scary.
Memory is a terrible thing.
K, my prayers are for you.
Memory is a terrible thing.
K, my prayers are for you.
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