Ours is a culture of loneliness. We are forever haunted by being alone, so much so that it has become one of our defining characteristics. I realized that when -walking alone in stranger cities- I found myself reaching for my phone; texting, calling, receiving calls. Trying to kill the "alone"-ness by creating some virtual connection. Going into a shop to have a coffee and pastries, I would read my book, but lunch/dinner is another affair. How would I sit somewhere, order a pasta dish, and eat it in complete silence and loneliness.
In earlier years, I never felt weird about people on their own in cafés: a little me-time to work, study, read or just sit and ponder over a cup of coffee is okay, yet I always wondered about those eating in restaurants alone. Does he not have a family/spouse/friend/companion to keep him company during lunch? When I started traveling for work, I understood how it is sometimes inevitable. You cannot live on café food for a week! So I was bound to go into restaurants, sit on a table for two, and order for one. Again, it was merely out of inevitability not out of choice. Recently, however, I started acknowledging being alone as a choice. It still confused me, but at least I acknowledged it. I started understanding the thin line between being alone and being lonely, and how the latter had nothing to do with having people eating with you on the same table.
The culture thing hit me when I started thinking how we would almost feel "sorry" for someone who would go watch a movie alone, eat a meal alone, live alone. We are forever longing for companionship that we even use the little time that we are on our own to catch-up on our phone-calls, making sure that we are NEVER having a silent pensive moment, God forbid! I would compare that to others around me in stranger countries in Europe, and they all seem pretty much fine with being alone without having to mask that with random phone calls.. They seemed at ease, either out to finish a task or just out to enjoy some quality time with oneself.
Some years ago, when I saw an old man or woman walking alone in the street, carrying groceries or maybe carrying the morning's newspaper, I would tell mama "we will never let you be that alone when you are old", and she said "but maybe I want to have some time on my own."
We are trying so hard not to be alone that we have forgotten what the connection is all about. Instead of appreciating these links, it became simply about mental/verbal/emotional dumps, word vomit. No need to "connect", just some random need to not eat alone.
In earlier years, I never felt weird about people on their own in cafés: a little me-time to work, study, read or just sit and ponder over a cup of coffee is okay, yet I always wondered about those eating in restaurants alone. Does he not have a family/spouse/friend/companion to keep him company during lunch? When I started traveling for work, I understood how it is sometimes inevitable. You cannot live on café food for a week! So I was bound to go into restaurants, sit on a table for two, and order for one. Again, it was merely out of inevitability not out of choice. Recently, however, I started acknowledging being alone as a choice. It still confused me, but at least I acknowledged it. I started understanding the thin line between being alone and being lonely, and how the latter had nothing to do with having people eating with you on the same table.
The culture thing hit me when I started thinking how we would almost feel "sorry" for someone who would go watch a movie alone, eat a meal alone, live alone. We are forever longing for companionship that we even use the little time that we are on our own to catch-up on our phone-calls, making sure that we are NEVER having a silent pensive moment, God forbid! I would compare that to others around me in stranger countries in Europe, and they all seem pretty much fine with being alone without having to mask that with random phone calls.. They seemed at ease, either out to finish a task or just out to enjoy some quality time with oneself.
Some years ago, when I saw an old man or woman walking alone in the street, carrying groceries or maybe carrying the morning's newspaper, I would tell mama "we will never let you be that alone when you are old", and she said "but maybe I want to have some time on my own."
We are trying so hard not to be alone that we have forgotten what the connection is all about. Instead of appreciating these links, it became simply about mental/verbal/emotional dumps, word vomit. No need to "connect", just some random need to not eat alone.
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