It is interesting this spectacle, but I'm tired. I have always been a wallflower, and I never seemed to mind it at first, then I did, then I went back to not minding. I have the advantage of watching, observing, assessing. But I am cursed with a goldfish memory for bad things. They say a person will forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel. Well, I tend to forget both, and in my head, my memories are woven together like incoherent fairy tales, or surreal dreams.
For as long as I remember, I have been observing myself and others. One of my clearest earliest memories was when I was not more than 3, my older brother (19 or 20 at the time) asked me why I talk so much. We were in his dark grey Fiat Ritmo. And I remember very clearly that I said "I am the mother of all speech" (مامة الكلام كله). I find that funny, amusing, insightful now. And I think he is foolish for not seeing it at the time, or now. I do believe in words and in thoughts, maybe more than actions sometimes. I love words and how we can play with them like little play-dough, and I feel sad for those who do not express themselves as freely or as expressively..
I have been reading a lot on personal interaction, validating the other's feelings, and I realized that between intention & impact I am lost. I reached an epiphany. I say what I mean, but I do not say what I feel, or what I need you to feel through me... my words are wasted... I should follow the earlier advice then: replace every difficult word with an easy one, read it from the other's point of view, and then feel the impact, not the intention.
For as long as I remember, I have been observing myself and others. One of my clearest earliest memories was when I was not more than 3, my older brother (19 or 20 at the time) asked me why I talk so much. We were in his dark grey Fiat Ritmo. And I remember very clearly that I said "I am the mother of all speech" (مامة الكلام كله). I find that funny, amusing, insightful now. And I think he is foolish for not seeing it at the time, or now. I do believe in words and in thoughts, maybe more than actions sometimes. I love words and how we can play with them like little play-dough, and I feel sad for those who do not express themselves as freely or as expressively..
I have been reading a lot on personal interaction, validating the other's feelings, and I realized that between intention & impact I am lost. I reached an epiphany. I say what I mean, but I do not say what I feel, or what I need you to feel through me... my words are wasted... I should follow the earlier advice then: replace every difficult word with an easy one, read it from the other's point of view, and then feel the impact, not the intention.
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