Little Miss Sunshine

Duke wrote this and sent it to me.. According to him, he started it while he was at Algiers, but got to the brownie part and stopped.. He finished it when he came back..

I simply love it.. Touching on so many levels.. It's like "Ouch!" and "Wow!" and "how on earth..." all rolled into one :)

He called it "Between Darkness and Light"... Enjoy..


He calls her Sunshine
But she likes the rain
A walk in the clouds
To take away the pain

They meet at the crossroad
Of darkness and light
He stares in bewilderment
As she stares in fright

She’s blinded by the darkness
He’s blinded by the light
In opposite directions
They fade out of site

A million miles away
He’s staring at the sea
Dreaming of tomorrow
Things he wants to be

A million miles away
She’s dreaming of the sea
As she slowly eats her brownie
And drinks her cup of tea

She looks across the table
To the place where they used to sit
Two lovers making promises, two lovers breaking up
She smiles and flips the page, as she takes another sip

The sea is quiet in awe
The moon is falling off
The sun is rising high, the light is creeping in
He’s thinking of the sunshine that he’s slowly writing off

Alone at bed at night
She dreams of a different world
Where nothing ever dies
Where no one ever leaves
She dreams of a different world
Where no one really cries
Where their paths again meet

At the crossroad of darkness and light

All faces of Eve..

Yesterday we went out, Duke & Meyo, Karembu, Du, and me for a very nice dinner at a new place in Mohand. (Massimo not Massimo's ya mayo :P)

Anyway so on the way back home, i had quite an interesting talk with Karembu about relationships and their relation with your phase of life.. My argument was eno based on your "age group" and other factors, people of the opposite sex start assessing your "potentiality" to make a good partner.. Of course i am talking here about single people..

Mainly it went like this: when i graduated 4-5 years ago, I was in the "she's nice.. a couple of years ahead she'll make a good candidate" phase.. it was cool back then, a guy can be nice to you within the boundaries of normal decency and you wouldnt go wondering what he's after.. similarly, I felt (more) free to express myself without being misunderstood (most of the time at least)..

Right now, its my prime :D People (guys) would go like "is she available? she seems interesting.. hmmm.. what if?" And then people (girls and guys alike) would go tell a guy "how about N? Isnt she nice? Why dont you check it out with her?" Don't get me wrong, I am not flattering myself or anything.. It's not specific to me this attitude, it hits almost every girl.. When i say this phase is my prime, i dont necessarily mean i like.. Quite the contrary, I dont welcome the fact that everything i say/do is analyzed and assessed to determine my "potentiality".. Anyway, so 5 years from now -if i am single- I will be in the "She seems too nice to have stayed single" phase.. and people would go like "What has this world come to if people like her are still not taken?" :D I am serious i know people in this phase... 5 more years ba'a and i will be in the "hmmmm.. i wonder why she's still single.. there must be some mystery" phase..

I am not going to express how i feel about these classifications.. I realize that marriage, couple-dom, and companionship/relationship is an integral part of our lives.. But i dont like being classified according to my work, education, OR "potentiality" :D

Anyway, so Karim's reply was "ah.. so you're looking for a 3arees?" :P

Hmmm... MEN!

Thoughtlings (smaller than thoughts)

In the corporate dinner thingie, i rediscovered my competitiveness :) I am one of these people who take games _very_ seriously, esp mental ones.. Dinner itself was not bad, seated not buffet.. good potato gratin, but was a little on the heavy side..

I had a totally work-free weekend.. next week i need to concentrate a little to get things done.. (cross my fingers)

I need to blog about blogging, its been 2 years now, which is funny because at first it started out as me wanting to share thoughts with my close friends only.. but now i discovered my blog has a base of unknown readers :D Its not my news hub anymore, but simply an outlet..

I love winter, i particularly love winter mornings.. December is also Christmas mood, so throughout all December, whenever I ride with Fancy in the mornings, its Christmas carols and songs time :D She has this weird addiction that throughout all December she has to listen to it.. tens of songs, some so cool, some not, but the cool ones definitely put me in a nice sweet mood.. So this song is one of my very favorites.. It has a tint of sadness in it, but what i like is the hopefulness.. the girl's sound is lovely.. perfect for a winter morning

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'Cause I'll be fine
Oh, I'll be fine

Of Someones and Other Tidbits

had so much in my head to blog, but kind of ran out of words now.. Ideas i have, words i do not..

hmmm.. in the last week:

• Someone told me i should read a little about Extreme Programming (XP) (which i insist on calling Experienced Professional or something :D) and lent me a little o'reilly pocket book to brush up my knowledge
• Someone(s) i work with told me I dont complain enough! -lol- their point was that I take it as long as am able to handle (which is partially true).. the way i see it is that when i need to complain, i will have grounds eno "its very rare when i do, so i must be credible".. i dont think they take it this way
• Someone told me i am a workoholic -if only she could see me at uni- but then again, at uni i had this image of an "academian" as Hussam once referred to it.. always carrying many books, none of them is about any of my courses :)

I hate people who slack keda.. I discovered i really have a short temper for passive people, it makes me sick to my stomach.. and i've been having this lately a lot.. and then someone tells you "but he is kind ya haram!" and am like fa eih? Kind and so he unloads his load of problems on me and expect me to react? Even in problems that dont concern me at all, if i dont feel people are not trying hard enough, i am starting to find it very difficult to sympathize..

Possibilities scare me.. And the fact that possibilities scare me is scaring me more.. ok lets take this one at a time, possibilities scare me because they let me know what is attainable, they make me aspire, they open new doors.. they bring into existence a wealth of unguarded dreams/hopes, and this is scary.. It's like i told karembu i want "contentment", but then i find i can get "ecstasy" so what was acceptable is now not matching the criteria, and i "raise the bar"! :) As for the second scary fact, I always prided myself on being someone who welcomes change and is open to options, blabla, so the fact that i am scared makes me feel that i am so limited.. I feel that "ah so i want to be a happy settled person and thats it? Seriously N, I thought there was more to you than mere contentment".. So its an inner conflict, is it that i have no ambition? no horizon? or is it that i am sooooooo open to possibilities that i just accept them but am not willing to change them?

I seriously dont know.. this has to do with everything.. life, work, relations, all..

Yesterday was our annual corporate dinner... thats a story for another post..

Facts

* I walk too fast (at least for a girl)

* I have a dreamy/hazy look.. like am Delirium all the time.. Can give away the (false) impression that am slow or not concentrating

* I like it when I am a bit cold. When the chill reaches to my bones

* I dont like the color orange

* I dont like tangerines.. hate their smell..

* I drift a lot when talking or listening, which sometimes offends people and makes them think am not interested or am not listening, but I _do_ listen very well.. Seriously!

* I dont like watermelons, never did.. only eat them at my uncle because they insist I take fruits and it's these or mangoes :D

* I seriously believe in signs, and I interpret them any way I please

* I dont like assumptions

* I dont like recounting my dreams (good ones or nightmares)

* By the time I was 7, I had more books than toys :D

* I am proud of not belonging to one place, altho as a kid I was embarrassed of it and kept telling people I am only Egyptian

* I like to watch people and imagine what their lives are like

* I have the (unintentional) ability to listen to more than one conversation at a time -- barmi wedn.. I dont do it on purpose.. we call it a "H" thing (where "H" is my family name).. But its funny (for me at least) and the cool thing is that i admit it, I dont go pretending I didnt hear and stuff :D


The Anti-Whining Policy

Based on a new rule from a "senior authority", my team now has an anti-whining policy.. Anyone who whines, complains, or displays a negative attitude without providing a solution has to pay LE 2, that will be later used either for charity or to get us a Cilantro treat (still not settled :D)... my first thought, "If K had taken 2 pounds for everytime i whined to him...." why he wouldnt have taken anything of course!


Karembu and Duke are coming next week.. Another reason i like Winter, its season of migrating to the South :D everyone comes back to Egypt for the holidays... Almost everyone...

And... We're Back

In a sudden turn of events, mood is much better! Went Zamalek on my own. Walked a while then went Diwan. For someone who hasnt seen a really good book in a long while, i was thrilled when i found a GREAT book (a non-fiction, business-oriented one ya K!) Zeww had told me about it (will blog it out later).. Anyway, had a great cup of lemon tea while i sat and read almost all first part...

Great mood booster! :D

Life is tough (or is it?)

(my 3 weeks+ post is still in the incubator or something.. anyway.. )

So... I've been discovering a number of facts about myself.. I started feeling guilty whenever i am having leisure time.. yesterday i decided to just relax and enjoy the day off.. i couldnt.. I mean i ended up not doing anything alright, but i couldnt fight the guilt, and the constant nagging feeling that there is still stuff to be done.. I called Du for reassurance, WRONG MOVE! For her, leisure doesnt exist.. we're always behind on some master plan.. If I manage to finish all my work, then i should study something.. if i work and study, then am not taking care of my health and looks, not drinking enough water.. if i do all this, then am falling behind in family obligations.. she scares me! and after all this, you must remember to take time off to pamper yourself.. I told her this way you will grow old very fast.. you will be at 40 yrs, having done what people do in 50 yrs.. She thinks its quite the opposite: you grow old with regret when u feel you couldve done better... She thinks that me feeling guilty when am not doing anything is actually a very good sign.. Crazy Woman! and i am turning into one myself..

I started getting more and more nuclear each day.. Its not that i isolate myself from people or things, but i try to limit my exposure to the external world.. i have my team, my friends, my stuff, my books, my ideas/hopes/dreams.. and i dont find myself obliged to share these with anyone.. I get scared away pretty easily... dont want anything or anyone to tie my down.. This is all coming to me in a time where i realize am getting old(er).. I miss being young, i miss being able to make silly mistakes and get away with the "she's still young" excuse.. I miss being impartial to everything, being open to life, and being willing to embrace differences...

I am getting too much input from everyone and everything around me.. from the time i wake up, i am bombarded with choices.. what to wear, how to go, when to go, what to do.. Then i go, need to remember places and people and dates and times.. need to plan and think, then execute.. too much input... The thing is, i need every inch of my limited brain power to use it in more useful stuff.. But its getting wasted... I need to block out external noise, and concentrate!

Passing by university alwaya fills me with a mixture of emotions.. nostalgic longing, dreamy hopes, and silent "what if"s.. in Cilantro Tahrir now, sitting in the balcony alone.. Nancy was with me but left off to her course more than an hour ago.. and am staying for a couple more hrs..

Hmmm.... what else.. i like winter.. and i dont like my recent blog posts.. i like having a "formed opinion about everything" as Du calls it.. being able to define the tiniest details and how i relate to them.. Defining life as an array of likes and dislikes.. and a biiiiiiiiiig grey area...

I need to take time off to think.. And I need to adapt to growing up :D