mute

I miss bonding, connecting, talking. He says I talk a lot. Said so in several occasions, some pleasant and meant as a teasing joke and some not so much. Truth is, I have not really talked for a long long long time. I share, I tell stories, I confide in people some very personal secrets, I give my uncalled for opinion, I judge, I reminisce... but I do not really talk anymore like I want to. I keep most vulnerabilities to myself. Most fears. I "smile, wave, and nod" more than anything, and I try to sense and feel. But I have stopped talking. I prefer to talk through sharing, art, songs, articles, quotes, creating a collage of other people's thoughts and creations to express what I feel.

I miss myself sometimes, but I am here with her all the time, and we're getting to know each other again and again.