my new retro living room

I redecorated here again.. we could call that my own blue period..

5 yrs studying computer science, and I could not change my post titles' color (I still cannot find the html variable for it, want to make it a darker shade)!! Also cannot remove that pattern-less box in the rightmost area since it is part of the image I used as background template.. sad sad..

T., my nemesis, is leaving to Australia for a few months, and even though we barely meet except by chance, I feel I will miss her.

also, for some reason I am obsessed right now with owning a blue Vespa! Super cute.

...

the rules of duality and the curse of forgetting.

The Fullness then the Emptiness

And the teacher said, "Bible mysteriously describes the time where Christ came as being "mel2 el zaman", la pleinitude du temps, the fullness of times. There is absolutely no explanation to why this was the fullness of times."

And then he talked of my fullness of time, "You will know when the fullness of times comes. You will feel peaceful."

But I did not. I felt turmoil, disorder, confusion. But since we see things as we want to see them; we saw this as peace.. And for a while there was some inner peace, but only for a while. This was the sugar coating. The core was pushiness, demands, and self-deceit leading to my self-deceit.

And only now, when the emptiness swept over me, did I feel peaceful.

And I was right. This was overrated.

ما يحكمشي

Tired of Small Talk

Apathy

Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, or physical life. He or she may exhibit an insensibility or sluggishness, also. The opposite of apathy is flow. In positive psychology, apathy is described as a response to an easy challenge for which the subject has matched skills.


To be continued..

uncertainty..

So, Carpe Diem or Memento Mori?
I'm sorry, I have no answer to that one.
I only know that Vita Brevis.
Il y a les vivants, et ceux qui sont en mer.
Je suis en mer. I'm a son of uncertainty.

Dear Universe

If you think you're going to break me by forcing me to listen to Mayada's Ana Ba3sha2ak in EVERY taxi ride, and stage it like it's a coincidence, then you're mistaken. You won't break me.

Crochet

Et après toi, que dois-je faire?

Fais de crochet!

Jargon

cutting edge
top-notch
state-of-the-art
one stop shop
streamline
standardize
transform
calibrate
benchmark

Imaginary Conversation

"I miss you. Come back."
"But we just spoke for one hour, and we were just together a couple of days back."
"I know. I know, but I miss *you*."
"Hmmm.. okay, I don't know what to say."
"Nothing. I just wanted to acknowledge that I missed you."

As Cosmo as it gets

So, if you know me well enough (or if you are the poor guy working in Germany who gets me this from the airport every time he comes and knows that I prefer the British edition to the American one and yet never reads my blog anymore!), then you would know that I really like Cosmopolitan magazine. Not Marie Claire, not Company, not Vogue, just Cosmo (although I have previously on several occasions bought Vogue for the fashion content).

The question is "Why?".. Why would I like a magazine that 1) speaks fashion language to such a fashion-educated, yet bohemian as myself, and 2) positions men as the core of everything, even when they are empowering women, it is -in a way- to get more men.. Men magazines, on the other hand, mostly talk about gadgets, cars, and sports, and yes -sometimes- fashion and women.. but never in a way where it is imperative for their existence.

Answering this, I dont know.. I guess I just like the mindset and mood it puts me in, i like knowing whats up in fashion, and -I have to admit- the relationship articles aren't all shallow or bad.. in fact, in last month issue they discussed Female Genital Mutilation among African families in UK (never knew it was such an issue there)..

Interestingly though, I remember a few years back a guy commented that he found it really weird (and somehow disconcerting) that a single (or let's say unmarried) girl would read Cosmo, and that it would open her eyes to stuff that in our culture and community girls should not know about (namely the physical relationship aspects). Yes, Cosmo is to blame, because there isn't enough media around us to do that!

So, why blog about it? basically, because the secret I shared above was in this week's postsecret and it resonated with what I thought.. also, because it's one of the cool things I like about that crazy friend of mine but never thank him for, and finally, because it is one of the little idiosyncrasies that I have and my little shallow pleasures.