storyteller

The only way to let it die is to let it out. But this Scheherazade will not keep her stories to the Shah anymore.

Dear Narcissus Boy

Narcissus was a youth that knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the Narcissus.

But this is not how the author of the story ended it…

The author goes on to say that when Narcissus dies, the goddess of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

"Why do you weep?" the goddess asked.

"I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

"Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."

"But… was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.

"Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"

The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

~ Quoted from Paulo Coelho

And so, dear Narcissus, I hope you understand..

Relationship Theories - It could lead to dancing

Disclaimer:
This theory is not entirely about me or the other, for that alone would not make a "theory". It is more or less a collection of learnings.

A (quite long) Preamble

There is an old joke I read while in my first year in university.. back then when I read it, it was about Jews, and then later on I found out the same joke is told about baptists, muslims, etc. It doesn't make fun of the religions themselves as much as of our -sometimes narrow-minded- interpretations of the learnings. So to cut it short, the story goes that there was a couple who were preparing for their marriage, and they're meeting with the rabbi.. he goes on to explain how it's forbidden that men and women dance together in the ceremony, and then -going into more intimate details- they ask him about allowed sex positions, so they keep asking and he says yes it's allowed, and then the husband asks "how about doing it when standing?", to which the rabbi replies "OF COURSE NOT! THAT COULD LEAD TO DANCING!"

This joke has stuck with me ever since as an example of our contradictory double messages, and so whenever a situation calls for it, I find me saying to myself, "Oh but of course not, it could lead to dancing"

The Relationship Dilemma

So, the relationship dilemma here starts actually AFTER there is no relation. In that hazy crazy phase when you're not together but you're not exactly not together either, because one (or both) parties of the relationship still harbors feelings and doubts. So you are in a phase where you are still deciding how to define the boundaries of the relationship and what should/shouldnt happen under this new status, which is not an easy task at all...

And amongst all this, you find the weirdest requests and awkwardest moments between these two used-to-be lovers, wanna-be friends. Can we flirt casually, can we go out to dinners/coffees, can I call him, is it okay if he calls me late... etc etc.. Now I am not here to judge or be judged.. It is up to one entirely to define the boundaries they accept or demand for such a relation, and it is more or less a function of how you deal with friends of the opposite sex AND also how your relation with this ex was like...

So, again, no judging here.. However, the dating dilemma I am referring to starts when one of the two parties decides that they know what's better for the other (i.e. moving on), but at the same time they don't totally let go.. And you find yourself oscillating between wanting to let go yet feeling "trapped" in the relation (even if you're the one trapping yourself!).. and the one party who wants to stay knows that the one party more inclined to let go is ready to move on, just waiting for the right time or the right signal..

and then you find the weirdest behaviors coming up from you or the other, defining what should and should not be done under the context of the new connection. And it never makes any sense, so I would ask him to lunch but I would not go movies with him, because that would look like dating, and he would hug me, but he wouldn't call me when I am upset, because that would send me the wrong signal.. and so on..

So what is the solution to this? Should all breakups be done "cold turkey" as they say? or should we just "man up" to our decisions and do what our feelings/brains/impulses/morals (or whatever dictates your behavior) tells us to do?

So, I can flirt with you, I can talk to you, you can joke liberally with me, we can go out, and who knows maybe we'd even make out....

...But be careful not to do it standing, because -God forbid- it might lead to dancing!

Relationship Theories - Are you gonna eat this?

So, the story goes that we (I, my friends, etc etc, not necessarily the reader who might not know me!), we have come of an age where we are getting -slightly- wary of being single.. yes I know independence and freedom and career woman and what have you, but at the end of the day, you really look for companionship and partnership and a witness to your life and the works.. add to this the natural human (or universal) instinct to leave an offspring, and we've got a recipe for disaster!

but first let me give you a little background.. the theory basically is that, let's face it, our resources are really limited, all the good ones are taken, only the freaks remain etc etc, you hear it all the time!.. so when a girl finds a "hot shot" (as i like to call them), or at least what she _believes_ to be one, she latches on to him like there is no tomorrow! am not judging 1) the need for a partner, 2) the "latching" technique, 3) how the guy's hotshot-ness increasing exponentially with the lack of options, or 4) the fact that there is no tomorrow if she misses out on this one.. what I am dicussing is what happens when the latching for one reason or the other doesnt work and the guy is back to the demand market..

now the funny (sad? ironic?) relationship scene that I've -perhaps unwillingly- become part of have introduced a new hook-up methodology:

I proudly present the "Are you gonna eat this?" technique..

You know when you're out with a friend and they order some meat dish which comes with a side of broccoli or asparagus, something you really like, and you find them pushing it around the plate to make room for their meat eating rituals.. the typical reaction -if you two are close enough- and if you dont mind this, that you will go like "are you gonna eat this?" and you'll just go on picking the food from their plate..

This is exactly what I am talking about.. your friend leaves her food (or -lets admit it- sometimes the "food" leaves her), and you find yourself eyeing it with thoughts of -for lack of a better term- hunger.. going like "hmm it doesnt look too bad, ok so she took a bite but so what, its not like she bit it off, she used a knife and all.. and after all its not so soaked with the sauce, and it didnt get too cold to eat it yet.. I think I am going to have it, better than it being thrown away"...

the friend's reaction would now be:
1) But I was going to eat it: suddenly she becomes a fan of the broccoli she was _just_ dissing!

2) How can you have the broccoli that turned ME down: we start the drama-queenish act of "how can you do this to me after what broccoli did to me", "didnt you know I love broccoli", etc etc.. you need to really a) love the broccoli or b) be desperately hungry, to go with this knowing she will give you this attitude

3) Go ahead, have it: you need to watch out for the tone of this one because it can be sarcastic, bitter, or sincere, based on the friend's relation with broccoli in particular, and other vegetables in general.. it can be summarized in:

a) it tasted funny and I was throwing it away anyway: the bitter or cynical tone can mean she is either too proud to say she wants her broccoli, or that she really doesnt want it but still feels bad about someone else having it, or

b) I wasnt going to have it, and you know what broccoli is like, so if you still want it, be my guest: ideally, that would be the best case scenario.. but ok, it rarely happens! :D

Ideally, you shouldve ordered your own broccoli if you liked it so much.. but as someone once told me "it shouldnt have been this way but that's the way things are"... hmmm, I think I will go off veggies for a while then.


and this concludes my theory..

N.

p.s. thats my very first blog template.. is it more readable? do you even care?

Relationship Theories - The Intro

I decided -based on my vast knowledge in the field (or lack of!)- to share with the cyber world a series of my relationship theories.. These theories are based on facts, fiction, fantasies, and purely subliminal ideas.. Situations shared hereinafter (i love this word!) in this and upcoming posts did not necessarily take place. Not in real life anyway!

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"You make my heart go slower", I said out of the blue. "Hmmm, shouldnt that be I make your heart beat faster?", he said, wondering at the way my mind works.. And I explained that this is _exactly_ the point! We are always waiting for the butterflies in stomach, sweep me off my feet, make my heart beat wildly kind of feeling.. Which is nice and beautiful and everything.. but it is an excitement that eventually wears off, or doesnt sustain the pressure, or whatever.. and I have realized that i'd rather have someone who'd slow down my heartbeats.. putting me in a state of inner peace, so that if/when they go, I am still at peace.


And this concludes my first Zen relationship theory.. Does it make any sense?