The Importance of Being Real

no one knows the importance of being real more than someone who herself was going to turn unreal at some point.. transform from a little boy to a wooden Pinocchio and not the other way round..

The world is really nothing but a big Barbie house.. cute.

which reminds me..

"Over commit, under deliver"

I never thought I'd remember this and actually smile :)

Persistence of Memory

Winter, Zamalek, Cilantro, green tea with mint, Souad Massi, and myself.

Time changes nothing.

Prière à Saint Nicolas

Ô vous qui êtes notre protecteur, du milieu des périls nous crions vers vous. Ô patron bien-aimé, venez a notre secours, tendez vers nous votre main secourable, éloignez le danger, montrez encore votre puissance et gardez-nous sains et saufs.
Vous arbitre de paix, vengeur des infortunes imméritées, ambassadeur des malheureux auprès de Dieu, souvenez-vous de nous dans le Ciel où vous habitez avec les Anges, et soyez notre defenseur infatigable et chaleureux.
Saint Nicolas, notre Patron, bénissez et protégez nos chers paroissiens et tous les fidéles qui se confient a vous.


[Saint Nicolas Church - Bruxelles. I was passing by it and felt the overwhelming urge to go in and light a candle, it was closing time and the "guard" was shooing people outside but the Pere yelled at him something along the lines of you shouldnt kick people out of the house of God, and he was nice enough to let me wander around. I did that two days in a row, and I thought of two very dear people who would've understood what it meant and the spirituality of it all. This prayer was close to the candles.]

Extraordinary

prologue: Weirdly, I find this to be one of the happiest songs in my life :) I am writing a long combo post..

She's an Extraordinary girl
In an ordinary world
And she cant seem to get away

He lacks the courage in his mind
Like a child left behind
Like a pet left in the rain

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She sees the mirror of herself
An image she wants to sell
To anyone willing to buy

He steals the image in her kiss
From her hearts apocalypse
From the one called whatsername

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
Some days it's not worth trying
Now that they both are finding
She gets so sick of crying

She's an Extraordinary girl


~ Green Day, Extraordinary Girl

numb

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

certain kinds of people

I'm leaving here
Getting out of this place
Leaving here
Getting out of this place
Only certain kinds of people
Can take these things

Get up in the morning
I'm paying my bills
Watching a storm cloud form over the hills
It appears I was waiting for my old self

I don't know what I'm made of
Or where from I came
Don't even seem to remember my name
Or why the ghost's alive in this cave

They say she's on the run
It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over
And thought then can turn action
And I dig, and I dig, and I dig, and I dig

'Til my head is so sick and so clear

I'm leaving here
Getting out of this place
Leaving here
Getting out of this place
Only certain kinds of people
Can take these things

I'm tired and lost and feeling blown
Running around in a field, just out of my skull
How will I ever find my way home?

Get up in the morning
I'm paying my bills
Watching a storm cloud form over the hills
It appears I was talking to my own self

They say she's on the run
It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over
Then thought turns into action
And I dig, and I dig, and I dig, and I dig

'Til my head is so sick and so clear

I'm leaving here
Getting out of this place
Leaving here
Getting out of this place
Only certain kinds of people
Can take these things

I'm tired and lost and feeling blown
Running around in a field, just out of my skull
How will I ever find my way home?


~ British Sea Power, How Will I Ever Find my Way Home

The Perks of Being a Wallflower... the beginning..

Dear friend,

I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don't want you to find me. I didn't enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.

I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.

I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.


~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Deep inside.. under the effect of feva

When we met light was shed
Thoughts free flow
You said you've got something
Deep inside of you


I am under the effects of a high fever and 3 months of pent up stress.. i havent had a decent cry out in so long.. almost 3 months or so, weird huh? instead i keep all these toxins deep inside of me, or i try to get it out thru some healthy outlet.. now that am under the mental state am in, my head is boiling from the heat, the taste of pure water makes me sick, and my "skin" hurts.. really this is beyond the "eveyryone in my body feels broken" feeling.. my SKIN is really hurting to the touch, and i feel a numbness all over.. was coming home with A when i started shivering uncontrollably all over... and the funny thing is, i know that chances are, i will almost back to normal tomorrow.. thats why i dont have credibility when am sick, sickness doesnt "stick" to me somehow.. or i dont let it. to which am grateful.. but now since my skin hurts, my head hurts, my BRAIN hurts, and my heart, insides all hurt hurt.. After i started talking out loud to imaginary ppl in the room (in full awareness that am doing in but cant stop it!), then i started calling up ppl who would talk me to sleep, another failure so i decide to get the toxins out on paper, now that am that far, i dont feel like going on.. am listening to the song am using throughout the post over and over and over again...


disclaimer: i dont commit to making sense..


Friends say I've changed
I don't listen 'cuz I live to be
Deep inside of you

Today i cried, not for long tho.. for just an eeny little while, a couple of minutes.. probably thought i was taking down my fever by getting it out of my tear ducts.. anyway, i thought, i decided, and i cried.. hoping i would cry myself to sleep.. didnt work.. i turned off the fone, sthg i rarely do and i put it away, because i didnt wanto call.. somehow it feels "wrong" now, before it seemed foolish, now it feels wrong.. funny, given the circumstances :) i "shouldnt" feel guilty for wanting to call, but again what should and what is are rarely related with me!


You said, "boy make girl feel good"
But still, deep inside
Still

I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
And then I met you
And I'd know what to do
If I just knew what's coming
I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my people if I could find them


i made a curse.. really.. i made a crazy voodoo curse, i drew it on a napkin and hoped it would take it all away, but i think i reversed the curse or something..


And I don't want to call you
But then I want to call you
'Cuz I don't want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you, and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

But we were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know

Something's gone, you withdraw
And I'm not strong like before
I was deep inside of you

I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare
At a ghost deep inside of you

And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left
It's all gone
Deep inside of you


i need to go back now to my happy place inside my head..

Optimism (or blind faith in human nature!)

".....I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."


~ quoted from "Eat, Pray, Love"


That has to be one of the best things I've read that describe me..

I'm Odd

My head begins to jingle
Most ev'ry time I nod
obviously, quite obviously I'm odd

Each Christmas I go fishing
to catch a Christmas cod
cause obviously, quite obviously, I'm odd

When I was just a kitten,
they'd said I'd be a gem
But now that I'm a Cheshire Cat
It's odd how odd I am

I own a feather pillow
but I slumber on the sod
cause obviously, quite obviously I'm odd

When I was just a kitten,
they'd said I'd be a gem
But now that I'm a cheshire cat
It's odd how odd I am

Most cat's have handsome whiskers
But me, I've got a beard
cause obviously, quite obviously I'm wierd


~ a deleted song from Disney's Alice in Wonderland

Why do you come here?

although I might get a couple of replies, I wont get YOUR reply..

I wish I could say all what I want to say.. all the hidden messages that i want to send but cant, all the warnings, the bets (especially the bets), the talks..

but I can't.


... or is it that I don't care? :)

Self-obsessed Introspection

A Prayer

3endi se2a feek :)

I don't have the general infatuation with Fairouz.. But this is one of the songs that really knock me off my feet.. If there is an OST for my life, this song is definitely there :)oh, and it's my first posted arabic lyrics


عندي ثقة فيك ..عندي أمل فيك ..و بيكفّي
شو بدك يعني أكتر بعد فيك؟
عندي حلم فيك ..عندي ولع فيك ..و بيكفّي
شو بدك إنه يعني موت فيك؟
والله راح موت فيك ..صدّق اذا فيك ..و بيكفي
شو بدك مني اذا متت فيك؟

معقول في أكتر ؟ أنا ما عندي أكتر
كل الجمل و يعني عم تنتهي فيك
عندي ثقة فيك و بيكفي

حبيتك متل ما حدا حب ولا بيوم راح بيحب
و انت شايفها عادية و مش بهالأهمية
بجرب ما بفهم شو علّقني بس فيك

بكتب شعر فيك ..بكتب نثر فيك ..و بيكفّي
شو ممكن أكتب بعد فيك؟

معقول في أكتر ؟ أنا ما عندي أكتر
ما كل الجمل يعني عم تنتهي فيك

تحكيني متل طفل صغير و هاملني كتير
لو شي مرة صبحية ..تفكر تتصل فيّ
قل لي شو ياللي بيعلقني بس فيك؟

عندي ثقة فيك ..عندي أمل فيك ..و بيكفّي
شو بدك يعني أكتر بعد فيك؟
عندي حلم فيك ..عندي ولع فيك ..و بيكفّي
شو بدك إنه يعني موت فيك؟
والله راح موت فيك ..صدّق اذا فيك ..و بيكفي
شو بدك مني اذا متت فيك؟

once more

...apparently she read the quote when I did, where I did, and -like me- she loved it.. So she had it tattooed.. Again a beautiful work of art.

...how convenient..

p.s.: you might as well replace baseball with Harleys, soccer, shisha, etc.

You are "here"

Love Supreme

Oh what are you really looking for?
Another partner in your life to abuse and to adore?
Is it lovey dovey stuff,
Do you need a bit of rough?
Get on your knees

Yeah turn down the love songs that you hear
'Cause you can't avoid the sentiment
That echoes in your ear
Saying love will stop the pain
Saying love will kill the fear

Do you believe
You must believe

When there's no love in town
This new century keeps bringing you down
All the places you have been
Trying to find a love supreme
A love supreme

Remember Remember

We are -by nature- threathened, insecure, wary of inconsistency.. and with you I always feel the need to be inconsistent.. because when I dont know what to expect, I dont know what to give... me.. a person who always knew what to expect, a person with so high expectations according to some.. or maybe just the wrong expectations, a parallel view.. So you confuse me, by your twisted manipulative ways that are unjustifiably cruelly un-straight-forward.

So I become inconsistent.. bipolar? No, I stopped.. I dont get angry, life is too short to spend it playing games.. not _your_ kind of games at any rate..


Once I put my mind to it, it became too easy to forget. So much so that now I am even unable to call it back to my memory when I want to. Then how can I remember the exact hour it was one year ago, and yet forget most of what's after? but yet, it's good to feel how bad it felt.


Remember remember.. Only this time, I did remember.



Relationships are overrated. Don't get me wrong, I am not in any way bitter. Allow me to rephrase then: the added-value of relationships is way too overrated!



Et puis?