Lilia

I am not very fond of newborns.. They look all wrinkled, red, and feature-less to me.. But this one, Lilia, is the most beautiful newborn I've ever seen.. Ozzi gave birth late Friday to this beauty..

This is Lilia less than one day old.. Being her self-proclaimed godmother, I cant wait till she's old enough to take her to Diwan ;)

Sidney Sheldon

Sidney Sheldon (a fellow aquarian) passed away, just 11 days from turning 90..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070131/ap_en_ot/obit_sheldon


This guy is one of my all-time favorite writers... I've read all his books.. he just knows a lot keda.. he writes about lawyers, doctors, assassins, ambassadors and he spans tens of countries in his novels.. I was always impressed by his storylines and his knowledgebase... "Un-put-down-able" is how they described his books, and they really were..

His novels were:

• The Naked Face (1970)
• The Other Side of Midnight (1973)
• A Stranger in the Mirror (1976)
• Bloodline (1977)
• Rage of Angels (1980)
• Master of the Game (1982)
• If Tomorrow Comes (1985)
• Windmills of the Gods (1987)
• The Sands of Time (1988)
• Memories of Midnight (1990)
• The Doomsday Conspiracy (1991)
• The Stars Shine Down (1992)
• Nothing Lasts Forever (1994)
• Morning, Noon and Night (1995)
• The Best Laid Plans (1997)
• Tell Me Your Dreams (1998)
• The Sky is Falling (2001)
• Are You Afraid of the Dark? (2004)

And his autobiography, "The Other Side of Me", published last year..

Too bad this man wont be writing no more..

It was a pretty good year...

I liked this TIME cover.. Very cute i think.. It was an ok year i think.. very "intense" I must say.. Too intense actually.. Fights, arguments, happiness, misery, hopes, dreams.. and it all seems sooo long ago.. memories from another lifetime perhaps... or maybe fictional memories..

A year of holding on and letting go, believing and losing faith and not necessarily in this order.. recurring fears and reassurances.. interesting, eh? Eno it was controversial and contradictory..

Resolutions? Working on them.. I need a paradigm shift...

Little Miss Sunshine

Duke wrote this and sent it to me.. According to him, he started it while he was at Algiers, but got to the brownie part and stopped.. He finished it when he came back..

I simply love it.. Touching on so many levels.. It's like "Ouch!" and "Wow!" and "how on earth..." all rolled into one :)

He called it "Between Darkness and Light"... Enjoy..


He calls her Sunshine
But she likes the rain
A walk in the clouds
To take away the pain

They meet at the crossroad
Of darkness and light
He stares in bewilderment
As she stares in fright

She’s blinded by the darkness
He’s blinded by the light
In opposite directions
They fade out of site

A million miles away
He’s staring at the sea
Dreaming of tomorrow
Things he wants to be

A million miles away
She’s dreaming of the sea
As she slowly eats her brownie
And drinks her cup of tea

She looks across the table
To the place where they used to sit
Two lovers making promises, two lovers breaking up
She smiles and flips the page, as she takes another sip

The sea is quiet in awe
The moon is falling off
The sun is rising high, the light is creeping in
He’s thinking of the sunshine that he’s slowly writing off

Alone at bed at night
She dreams of a different world
Where nothing ever dies
Where no one ever leaves
She dreams of a different world
Where no one really cries
Where their paths again meet

At the crossroad of darkness and light

All faces of Eve..

Yesterday we went out, Duke & Meyo, Karembu, Du, and me for a very nice dinner at a new place in Mohand. (Massimo not Massimo's ya mayo :P)

Anyway so on the way back home, i had quite an interesting talk with Karembu about relationships and their relation with your phase of life.. My argument was eno based on your "age group" and other factors, people of the opposite sex start assessing your "potentiality" to make a good partner.. Of course i am talking here about single people..

Mainly it went like this: when i graduated 4-5 years ago, I was in the "she's nice.. a couple of years ahead she'll make a good candidate" phase.. it was cool back then, a guy can be nice to you within the boundaries of normal decency and you wouldnt go wondering what he's after.. similarly, I felt (more) free to express myself without being misunderstood (most of the time at least)..

Right now, its my prime :D People (guys) would go like "is she available? she seems interesting.. hmmm.. what if?" And then people (girls and guys alike) would go tell a guy "how about N? Isnt she nice? Why dont you check it out with her?" Don't get me wrong, I am not flattering myself or anything.. It's not specific to me this attitude, it hits almost every girl.. When i say this phase is my prime, i dont necessarily mean i like.. Quite the contrary, I dont welcome the fact that everything i say/do is analyzed and assessed to determine my "potentiality".. Anyway, so 5 years from now -if i am single- I will be in the "She seems too nice to have stayed single" phase.. and people would go like "What has this world come to if people like her are still not taken?" :D I am serious i know people in this phase... 5 more years ba'a and i will be in the "hmmmm.. i wonder why she's still single.. there must be some mystery" phase..

I am not going to express how i feel about these classifications.. I realize that marriage, couple-dom, and companionship/relationship is an integral part of our lives.. But i dont like being classified according to my work, education, OR "potentiality" :D

Anyway, so Karim's reply was "ah.. so you're looking for a 3arees?" :P

Hmmm... MEN!

Thoughtlings (smaller than thoughts)

In the corporate dinner thingie, i rediscovered my competitiveness :) I am one of these people who take games _very_ seriously, esp mental ones.. Dinner itself was not bad, seated not buffet.. good potato gratin, but was a little on the heavy side..

I had a totally work-free weekend.. next week i need to concentrate a little to get things done.. (cross my fingers)

I need to blog about blogging, its been 2 years now, which is funny because at first it started out as me wanting to share thoughts with my close friends only.. but now i discovered my blog has a base of unknown readers :D Its not my news hub anymore, but simply an outlet..

I love winter, i particularly love winter mornings.. December is also Christmas mood, so throughout all December, whenever I ride with Fancy in the mornings, its Christmas carols and songs time :D She has this weird addiction that throughout all December she has to listen to it.. tens of songs, some so cool, some not, but the cool ones definitely put me in a nice sweet mood.. So this song is one of my very favorites.. It has a tint of sadness in it, but what i like is the hopefulness.. the girl's sound is lovely.. perfect for a winter morning

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just

Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

'Cause I'll be fine
Oh, I'll be fine

Of Someones and Other Tidbits

had so much in my head to blog, but kind of ran out of words now.. Ideas i have, words i do not..

hmmm.. in the last week:

• Someone told me i should read a little about Extreme Programming (XP) (which i insist on calling Experienced Professional or something :D) and lent me a little o'reilly pocket book to brush up my knowledge
• Someone(s) i work with told me I dont complain enough! -lol- their point was that I take it as long as am able to handle (which is partially true).. the way i see it is that when i need to complain, i will have grounds eno "its very rare when i do, so i must be credible".. i dont think they take it this way
• Someone told me i am a workoholic -if only she could see me at uni- but then again, at uni i had this image of an "academian" as Hussam once referred to it.. always carrying many books, none of them is about any of my courses :)

I hate people who slack keda.. I discovered i really have a short temper for passive people, it makes me sick to my stomach.. and i've been having this lately a lot.. and then someone tells you "but he is kind ya haram!" and am like fa eih? Kind and so he unloads his load of problems on me and expect me to react? Even in problems that dont concern me at all, if i dont feel people are not trying hard enough, i am starting to find it very difficult to sympathize..

Possibilities scare me.. And the fact that possibilities scare me is scaring me more.. ok lets take this one at a time, possibilities scare me because they let me know what is attainable, they make me aspire, they open new doors.. they bring into existence a wealth of unguarded dreams/hopes, and this is scary.. It's like i told karembu i want "contentment", but then i find i can get "ecstasy" so what was acceptable is now not matching the criteria, and i "raise the bar"! :) As for the second scary fact, I always prided myself on being someone who welcomes change and is open to options, blabla, so the fact that i am scared makes me feel that i am so limited.. I feel that "ah so i want to be a happy settled person and thats it? Seriously N, I thought there was more to you than mere contentment".. So its an inner conflict, is it that i have no ambition? no horizon? or is it that i am sooooooo open to possibilities that i just accept them but am not willing to change them?

I seriously dont know.. this has to do with everything.. life, work, relations, all..

Yesterday was our annual corporate dinner... thats a story for another post..

Facts

* I walk too fast (at least for a girl)

* I have a dreamy/hazy look.. like am Delirium all the time.. Can give away the (false) impression that am slow or not concentrating

* I like it when I am a bit cold. When the chill reaches to my bones

* I dont like the color orange

* I dont like tangerines.. hate their smell..

* I drift a lot when talking or listening, which sometimes offends people and makes them think am not interested or am not listening, but I _do_ listen very well.. Seriously!

* I dont like watermelons, never did.. only eat them at my uncle because they insist I take fruits and it's these or mangoes :D

* I seriously believe in signs, and I interpret them any way I please

* I dont like assumptions

* I dont like recounting my dreams (good ones or nightmares)

* By the time I was 7, I had more books than toys :D

* I am proud of not belonging to one place, altho as a kid I was embarrassed of it and kept telling people I am only Egyptian

* I like to watch people and imagine what their lives are like

* I have the (unintentional) ability to listen to more than one conversation at a time -- barmi wedn.. I dont do it on purpose.. we call it a "H" thing (where "H" is my family name).. But its funny (for me at least) and the cool thing is that i admit it, I dont go pretending I didnt hear and stuff :D


The Anti-Whining Policy

Based on a new rule from a "senior authority", my team now has an anti-whining policy.. Anyone who whines, complains, or displays a negative attitude without providing a solution has to pay LE 2, that will be later used either for charity or to get us a Cilantro treat (still not settled :D)... my first thought, "If K had taken 2 pounds for everytime i whined to him...." why he wouldnt have taken anything of course!


Karembu and Duke are coming next week.. Another reason i like Winter, its season of migrating to the South :D everyone comes back to Egypt for the holidays... Almost everyone...

And... We're Back

In a sudden turn of events, mood is much better! Went Zamalek on my own. Walked a while then went Diwan. For someone who hasnt seen a really good book in a long while, i was thrilled when i found a GREAT book (a non-fiction, business-oriented one ya K!) Zeww had told me about it (will blog it out later).. Anyway, had a great cup of lemon tea while i sat and read almost all first part...

Great mood booster! :D

Life is tough (or is it?)

(my 3 weeks+ post is still in the incubator or something.. anyway.. )

So... I've been discovering a number of facts about myself.. I started feeling guilty whenever i am having leisure time.. yesterday i decided to just relax and enjoy the day off.. i couldnt.. I mean i ended up not doing anything alright, but i couldnt fight the guilt, and the constant nagging feeling that there is still stuff to be done.. I called Du for reassurance, WRONG MOVE! For her, leisure doesnt exist.. we're always behind on some master plan.. If I manage to finish all my work, then i should study something.. if i work and study, then am not taking care of my health and looks, not drinking enough water.. if i do all this, then am falling behind in family obligations.. she scares me! and after all this, you must remember to take time off to pamper yourself.. I told her this way you will grow old very fast.. you will be at 40 yrs, having done what people do in 50 yrs.. She thinks its quite the opposite: you grow old with regret when u feel you couldve done better... She thinks that me feeling guilty when am not doing anything is actually a very good sign.. Crazy Woman! and i am turning into one myself..

I started getting more and more nuclear each day.. Its not that i isolate myself from people or things, but i try to limit my exposure to the external world.. i have my team, my friends, my stuff, my books, my ideas/hopes/dreams.. and i dont find myself obliged to share these with anyone.. I get scared away pretty easily... dont want anything or anyone to tie my down.. This is all coming to me in a time where i realize am getting old(er).. I miss being young, i miss being able to make silly mistakes and get away with the "she's still young" excuse.. I miss being impartial to everything, being open to life, and being willing to embrace differences...

I am getting too much input from everyone and everything around me.. from the time i wake up, i am bombarded with choices.. what to wear, how to go, when to go, what to do.. Then i go, need to remember places and people and dates and times.. need to plan and think, then execute.. too much input... The thing is, i need every inch of my limited brain power to use it in more useful stuff.. But its getting wasted... I need to block out external noise, and concentrate!

Passing by university alwaya fills me with a mixture of emotions.. nostalgic longing, dreamy hopes, and silent "what if"s.. in Cilantro Tahrir now, sitting in the balcony alone.. Nancy was with me but left off to her course more than an hour ago.. and am staying for a couple more hrs..

Hmmm.... what else.. i like winter.. and i dont like my recent blog posts.. i like having a "formed opinion about everything" as Du calls it.. being able to define the tiniest details and how i relate to them.. Defining life as an array of likes and dislikes.. and a biiiiiiiiiig grey area...

I need to take time off to think.. And I need to adapt to growing up :D

Hallucinations

"I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic —in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself."
~ Anaïs Nin

I love this woman.. check out her stuff (wont provide any links here).. this quote is one of the best things I've ever read. I need to write it down once in a while to remind myself of what I relate to and who I am..

So, short points:

• I've been composing one blog post for the past 3 weeks.. not able to finish it yet.. Writer's block.. Boredom.. Futility.. Call it what you may!
• Words I use a lot lately: Futile, pointless, as long as (and i say it in Arabic as "badam" not "madam", dont ask!), 3adi ba'a, tayeb, and "ay 7aga, i dont want to choose"
• Recently, a lot of people are starting to give me the kind of input that has no answer by "tayeb" :D Example: Person: "I was looking for blabla and i didnt find it".. Me: "tayeb".. Person: "what do i do now".. Me: "did you look somewhere else?".. Person: "No".. Me: "tayeb.. LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE".. I used to enjoy people coming to me asking for help.. I still love it actually, but as a friend from uni used to say "Am not the nanny!"
• For almost the first time since i graduated, i went back to listening to Suzanne Vega again..
• Current playlist: Souad Massi, Elham Madfa'i, Suzanne Vega, and Tony Hanna..
• Karembu got me yet another Neil Gaiman book, Stardust ;) Perfect... the story of Tina that i never got to tell was that she got me his latest creation, Fragile Things.. from her oompa loompas.. Tina, you are sooooooooo cool.. Karembu, the book looks great (and used!).. We were fe sertak today at work a lot!

One word comes to mind now: impartial..


Bisous,
N.

Yet another cross-reference!

Read this all through (you dont have to do the comments)

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/11/small_pleasures.html

Then read this:
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/11/who_cant_be_hyp.html


Now, for some weird and unknown reason, i checked out Dilbert's blog before i go to work today, and read the Small Pleasures thing... And you know what? I _did_ have a good day... Just like magic! :D

Seriously, I want to write like this guy.. Really gets under my skin...


Bisous,
N.

Starting your day with a little Dilbert :)

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

Check his "Are Smart People Dumb?" and "Fences".. This guy is genius!

"Your typical day is full of moments where you ask for a cup of coffee and someone hands you a bag of nails. You don’t realize how much time you spend re-explaining things until you no longer need to."


This is not an official blog post..

Locked out

I couldnt find my home key. No, its not bcoz am absent-minded. Its not bcoz i dont plan. And i dont need the "how on earth" lecture but thanks anyway. It happens to anyone and its the 1st time it happens to me. A time when i really needed to go home and unwind. No one is at home or can come to the rescue b4 an hour :) and phone battery died. LOL. Anyway am at Harris Florida, phone charging, and am blogging from it now.

As i started saying recently, "ana bada2t at3assab"!
But its not as bad as it sounds :)

Some thought..

There is a nagging recurring thought at the back of my head and I cannot get hold of it..

Very upsettling (a cross between upsetting and unsettling)..

The Coffee Bean and Other Stories

So, today I had arranged to have coffee/late breakfast with my pregnant friend Ozzi and as a treat she decided to take me to Zamalek.. We agreed to try Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf since we both never tried it.. So, we meet in Korba, go to Zamalek in 20 mins and start looking for abul fida (we both totally forgot how to get there and kept randomly choosing streets!) then, upon finding it, looking for a parking spot.. this process took double the time we took on the way from Helio! aaanyway, we go in, check the place and menu out and decide to give it a go.. We stand to order. No other customers are at the counter so we take our sweet time thinking out loud.. meanwhile, the cashier gets bored and decides to go get Ozzi's coffee ready while the 2 spoiled brats (us) make up their minds while giving us the "whats taking you so much time" look!! We order and take our coffees upstairs to be followed by our sandwiches.. And here is what happens:

* My sadnwich comes without a knife and fork even tho there is a side salad with it

* Both plates + coffees come with NO napkins whatsoever.. Nothing, Zero, Null! Not even paper coasters to put the plates on.. Yalla ma3lish, I go look for napkins.. I look @ the sugar stand, but there is nothing.. So i go downstairs to the lady and ask for some.. She looks at the ground where there is one of these biiiiiiiiiiiig bags that cotain like packs of 5 thousand napkins, looks back at me and say "la2 ma3andeesh!!!!!!!!" COME ON WOMAN, I can see the BAG! I think am hallucinating and go back upstairs.. We see another waitress upstairs, I ask _her_ for napkins and she says ok.. 10 mins later, nothing.. I ask again, she says ok.. 10 mins later, still nothing... we are having a good time so we dont mind the sloppy service.. We notice that everyone around us is having coffee/drinks only.. no one eating.. we think "so they're not used to ppl ordering food here!" Oz finishes her sandwich and ask for napkins from the same woman.. 5 mins later she comes back. They must've finally opened that magic napkins bag because she comes back with one.. YES, o.n.e. napkin!!!! we look at it, at her, at each other then burst laughing.. She doesnt get it.. We split the napkin after she leaves..

* 5 mins later she is cleaning our cups, my sandwich is in my hand, she looks and it, and takes away my plate!! Wallahi I am not kidding! As if "you're holding the sandwich khalas, you dont need the plate". I stare after her in disbelief...

Anyway, the rest of the adventure is uneventful, as we run into Fancy by chance (a friend from work) who joins us for the remaining hour, then run into MB (another guy from work) & his wife..

Go there for take out stuff... Service is sloppy.. not the kind that you can actually fight about, but just the kind that makes your mouth drop in disbelief :D

Sometimes you think you’re unhappy, but you’re really tired

--
Prologue
I wanted to blog one of my multipoint posts.. but it will take time and brain power.. so definitely not now.. for now here is something to get you going... (Note to self: remember to tell them about Tina's Elephant and Kouiedar Communism..
--

Soooooooo, Zeww (a.k.a. Yasmine) has introduced me in recent weeks to the Dilbert blog (yes, Dilbert the cartoon strip).. Back when we were in IBM we both identified our common interest in his cartoons and we both related to them, but it was the first time i discover that Scott Adams, the cartoonist, has a blog, and a VERY interesting one for that...

What does he blog about? well, mostly "life, the universe, and everything".. He blogs about corporate life, career paths, affirmations, success, religion, knowing when to quit, news, and politics.. and being an eternal optimist yet a profound thinker, he guarantees a good read everytime..

Why am I talking about him? because in one of his latest posts, he established the title declaration, "Sometimes you think you're unhappy, but you're really tired".. Interesting post that came in a most interesting time..

On a more serious note, and for the politically inclined (or even those who arent but wouldnt mind the occasional thought-provoking), check out his Sunday blogs dedicated to serious stuff, particulary this one ... His argument is straight and smooth..

I initially planned to blog about how i related to his optimism/energy article.. but i am going to hold that thought for a couple of days...

Meanwhile, check out his blog and browse previous posts.. chances are, you wont be disappointed...

Cheers,
Nagbert :)

p.s. oh, and if i ever get my own company, that is how i will design cubicles :D

p.p.s. reading this post again, i seriously dont like how its written, so i will pretend i didnt read it again :D

Round and round and round... Vicious circles..

My whole life is a bit round around the edges. No sharp angles, no pointed corners. There is nothing definite, nothing determined, everything open to discussion. I just fade out or phase out then blend in because I believe I choose my battles, and right now I cant find a battle worth fighting. That's what you get when you cross a circle with real life.

*
Today I am
A small blue thing
Like a marble
Or an eye

With my knees against my mouth
I am perfectly round
I am watching you

I am cold against your skin
You are perfectly reflected
I am lost inside your pocket
I am lost against
Your fingers

I am falling down the stairs
I am skipping on the sidewalk
I am thrown against the sky

I am raining down in pieces
I am scattering like light
Scattering like light
Scattering like light

Today I am
A small blue thing
Made of china
Made of glass

I am cool and smooth and curious
I never blink
I am turning in your hand
Turning in your hand
Small blue thing

~ Suzanne Vega, Small Blue Thing

Random..

* "Fear of Committment = Fear of Committment"
A wise one once said it, and I am only starting to understand it now.. Just a random thought not linked to anything..

* I am bored.. not as in now, but as in gerenal, in life.. I dont even know if "bored" is the word for it.. Wondering about decisions i made, and (much worse) about decisions i didnt make.. No one can change this state.. "Go out, work out, blablablabla".. i do all this.. I work out, get that funky adrenaline rush, then an hour later am back to square one.. The solution lies in my own hands, i know it, i dont want to share it, and i still didnt gather enough momentum to make it happen...

* Nina, my cousin whom i saw once in my life and who lives in UK, got engaged in a fairy-tale-like manner.. real fairy tale, he surprised her in Paris where she was on vacation, and while walking together, she heard 5 jets above her, her 1st thought was "they're going to bomb us like beirut", her 2nd thought was "wow it spelled Nina will you marry me?".. Weird :) and only heard about it in movies.. whats making me actually like the guy is that he studied @ Harvard Law and has a PhD from Stanford :) must be an interesting person to talk to, dont you think? (Karembu, this story is not a fragment of my imagination!)

* Nine Million Bicycles

Tina sent me the YouTube link to this song, read the lyrics below and check out the video here.. the girl's face is sooo lovely, the lyrics are cute and the video is cooool!

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die.

We are twelve billion light years from the edge,
That's a guess,
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you.

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar,
Just believe everything that I say

There are six billion people in the world
More or less
and it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all

We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire,
Of the love that you give me every night

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a Fact,
it's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!

After Midnight Thoughts..

* My nephew @ Cornell's!
I have 2 adorable nephews (altho they got to the age were "adorable" is not exactly the word to refer to them!).. Anyway, so the eldest has gone this year to college.. he's always wanted to study medicine, and fortunately he did it.. Cornell's University (NY's Cornell) opened a Medicine school campus in Qatar and thats where he went.. yes its Qatar and all, but on the good side: it is _the_ same university, better facilities (after all its the gulf), better student-teacher ratio, and closer to home so he can hop in for holidays and stuff.. its a funny feeling to have your nephew studying medicine, listening to Opeth and the like, and up to your own mental level in most conversations.. I have an interesting familial structure, but thats a story for another day..

* Intolerance
A while ago my msn name was "N - Tolerance" (recently it is always "N- ", so K commented that in fact it was pronounced "intolerance".. Recently, i developed severe intolerance to some things and people... intolerance to what? hmmm, almost anything.. a couple of months ago i was in this meeting with a girl i was meeting for the first time, and in spite of everything i couldnt take my mind off the idea that "HER NECKLACE IS MAKING SO MUCH NOISE GODDAMIT!" seriously, something as silly as a jingling necklace just ticked me off.. other things, well, zaman, a couple of years back i had the tolerance to actually listen to almost anyone.. now i just feel like walking away when people are talking.. keda.. Its not worth the hassle for me anymore to engage in conversations i dont like.. i even stopped saying full sentences, even in conversations am enjoying.. well, i've had that missing word thing always but it just got worse.. but its worst when am not enjoying the talk.. i just ignore, look the other way, change the subject, or just give silly answers.. funny thing is, i drift aslan in any conversation, so it takes a real expert to know whether am drifting because am bored or just because am a born-drifter.. oh well, whatever, never mind..

* White Noise
K introduced me to that (i knew it from the movie but didnt know ppl actually use it), and truth be said, at first i thought it was plain stupid :D its the kind of "sssshhhhh" distortion you hear when you're in between radio stations.. well, apparently its gaining wide popularity abroad.. tried it ba2a once when i was in no mood for conversation, no mood for listening, no mood for nothing.. i just put my earphones and tuned my phone's radio to white noise... pure isolation.. kind of creepy and introvert.. but when the mood is here, its here..

* The Cat that Walked by Himself
'... it is I: for you have spoken a word in my praise, and now I can sit within the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
~ Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling

I like the previous quotation.. I get very attached to memories: smells, sounds, feelings, whatever they are.. but just as well, i walk by myself... kind of like this McD commercial, the guy is walking by, passing people and just walking on by.. I stay -more or less- stable, a sign of the times and all that.. but i want to go for a while.. I want to be the one chaging sceneries instead of having sceneries change around me.. 7aga keda... "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me." but i just wish i can find one place to be _my_ place, the place..

* New songs I like
- Jewel's "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"
- Blue October's "Hate Me".. Pretty negative, but i like the music and lyrics
- Green Day's "Extraordinary Girl"
- Losing my Religion.. not new but an all-time favorite
- Rihanna's "Unfaithful"
- Sandy Thom "I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker"
- Robbie Williams "Advertising Space"

* To sum up,
I hate these three words.. If you could sum it up, then you should've sum it up!


Signing off,
N.